If Only
by dontdoubtme1234321
Summary: This is just my idea of what would have happened if Katniss was pregnat. Takes place during Catching Fire... Might lead into Mockingjay.
1. Chapter 1

All rights to Suzanne Collins….. I don NOT own any of these characters…though I wish I did. This is basically my rendition of "Catching Fire", with the exception that Katniss is actually pregnant.

If Only….

"If it wasn't for the baby" Peeta muttered angrily. Just my luck that he was loud enough to hear. Now the whole Capitol knew! And sure enough, the camera's went to me, just in time to reach my horrified expression. Why the hell did he do that? Just tell it out like that. I tried looking away from the camera's, mortified, but I was just met with more looks.

Over the heads of the other Tributes, I saw Cinna smiling slightly, Effie paling, looking as though she was going to stop breathing, and Haymitch….well, I don't know what Haymitch was doing. He had this sort of pained expression, but his mouth hanging open wide as it could go, eyes wide open, and by the look of his stature, he was having trouble breathing. I was confused, but before I could react, I was reminded of the idiotic thing Peeta just did as the buzzer went off. All of a sudden, all twenty four us of were standing, and before I knew it, Peeta had grabbed my hand. Not wanting to break our love façade, I resisted shoving him away, and conjoined my hands with the District 11 tribute.

Once I was sure the camera's were shut off, I unlatched my hands, whipped around to Peeta and yelled "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" and stormed off towards the elevator, leaving Peeta in a surprised stance. Before I reached the beloved elevator, Cinna congratulates me and briefly explains that Effie fainted. I chuckled. Once there, I jab the button with my thumb, and Haymitch comes strolling up to me, just as the door opens. "Hey there sweetheart, did the baker make the bun in the oven?" he chuckles, and struts into the elevator. I follow after him, but instead of punching a button, I turn to him. "You shut your mouth Haymitch, or you will die in this elevator tonight." I growl, and turn to the buttons.

I punch twelve, and just as the doors are about to close, a hand shoots through the door. Good grief, who now? And as though the world just wants to torment me some more, Peeta comes walking in, panting, as though he was running to get here. I turn to leave, but he grasps my shoulder, forcing me to stay. Every muscle in me stiffens. "What was that?" Peeta asks in an exasperated tone. Anger bubbles inside me. I whip around, meeting Peeta's gaze, and shoot back "What the hell does that supposed to mean?" He stood, mouth agape and retorted "You just yelling at me out there! What was that? You had no right to-" he froze right there, under my death glare.

"No right? NO RIGHT? You're the one that announced I'm PREGNANT to the whole damn world!" With that, I thrust my hand into the button board, pushing level four, and immediately get out. Before the doors are completely closed, I turn and whisper in the most menacing tone "If you ask me what was that one more time, then I promise you don't have to be worried about other tributes. I'll be there with a bow to your head in seconds. And that way, it's totally legal." And with that statement, I stalked off to the nearest stairwell to sulk.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

If Only

~Sorry about posting the first chapter twice. Here's the second one. Remember, I don't own any of these characters. Also, thank you all for the reviews. Duly appreciated ~

After about an hour, I presumed, I had enough sense to stop raging. People had already come to see what it was, and I was forced to hide. Finally, after about most likely two hours, I decided that I needed to figure out what to do. My death threats _were _uncalled for, but still, they deserved them. All of a sudden, I heard footsteps in the stairwell. Who would use the stairwell in a twelve story building with wondrous elevators at their call?

My question was quickly answered when Haymitch plunked down beside me. Now, that was just more confusing than the stair question. I automatically said the first thing in my head. "What are you doing here?" He shrugged and started talking. "I just needed to know. Peeta told me it wasn't an act, but I didn't know if I could trust him. So, I found you. Are you really pregnant?" he explained. I sighed, fighting the urge to yell at him. "Of course I'm pregnant. Who the hell would lie about that? And how'd you find me?"

Haymitch just sighed, hung his head, and pointed to the ceiling. I looked up, and could just make out a surveillance camera. Great, I was being watched. But the nagging feeling came back "Why do you care?" I ask harshly. A bit too harshly. He looks up with a glint of pain in his eyes, but sighs. "Well, two reasons. I'll tell you the easier one first which is Peeta. He wanted to come after you but I said that if he went, we'd probably end up with a murder. And, well I could handle things better, because…well…..because I've been through this before." He muttered.

I looked at him like he was crazy. "Well, _I_ haven't. I've been in his position. And it's too hard to bear." We sat in silence for a few moments, in awkwardness and caution. I had so many questions, but I felt as though we didn't have that kind of connection. Then, the voice of reason in me said "If you didn't have the connection, why would he bring it up?" Finally, I looked up, and whispered "Can you tell me?" He took in a sharp breath and began in a hoarse voice.

"It was two years after I won the Hunger Games. We met in school, and I never had the nerve to talk to her. But since I was a victor, I mean, who wouldn't like me?" he smiled bitterly. "Her name was…was Rosalynn. We went out for a while, and since I was 18 and so was she, we were never frowned upon. The…..the day of the reaping, she got called. Her and some guy named Renner. I was forced to mentor her, even though I was the same age. Before…before she went into the arena, she told me she loved me….and told me she was pregnant with our baby." He paused, regaining his thoughts and continued.

"We, we kept in touch through the sponsors gifts. She was killed in the arena second to last. There was nothing we could do, nothing I could do. And that's when I started drinking. But I never can remember how after she told me, how all those thoughts passed through my head. Girl or boy? Would we marry? Would she make it out alive? I finally got the answer, and I've never loved anyone since." He stopped and sighed. I could see the tears running down his face, and I started to cry to, silently. With a swipe of his hand, tears were gone, and Haymitch was looking into my gray eyes.

"I…..I'm am going to do everything I can to do to get you and that child out alive. Along with Peeta. But you can't be mad with Peeta. He did what I would have done. He was only trying to save you from the arena, but obviously failed." I nodded. "So I'm going to be your mentor. And I'm going to get you out alive. And so God help me if I don't, I will get your mother to kill me myself. But you have to promise me to never speak of this and…and love Peeta. For as long as you can. Until death do you part, got it?" he whispered. I stared into his green eyes that had very dominant red rims around them. I sighed. "I promise."

After a while of silence, Haymitch got up on his feet, holding his hand out. I took it, and he pulled my up with no effort. We decided to take the stairs, not wanting to risk stares at our red eyes and tear streamed faces. Once we got to the twelfth floor, I stopped suddenly. "Wait, is Peeta mad at me?" I asked. My mind started racing. I couldn't have Peeta mad at me. I needed him now. No, no, no! I looked at Haymitch for answers. "Not mad exactly…just disappointed. In himself." He explained. I gasped. "But why?" I wondered aloud. Haymitch smirked, "Because you're mad at him." I tried to object, but he simply said "Sweetheart, you threatened his life and basically said you hated him. That's mad."

I was on the verge of tears, but I couldn't be crying again. Why was I all emotional of a sudden? But then I remembered… Oh yeah, I'm pregnant. Once we reached my room, Haymitch went into his, reassuring me that it was alright, and if I needed something, just call him. Before the door closed, I heard him chuckle about how I wouldn't be able to call Effie because she was still in shock. I sighed, still trying to fight tears, and opened the door to my room.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

If Only

There, Peeta sat, back to me, hunched over, in a position that I presumed to be sitting. He looked up with a frown on his face and saw me. Apparently he saw my expression, and before I could react, was up coming towards me. Just as he was getting out "I'm sorry" I cut him off with crying. Silent tears streamed down my face, and he was looking at me with alarm. "What? What did I do now?" I shook my head and the tears came down harder. He enveloped me in a hug, and was whispering soothing words to me. Once I could actually breathe, I realized I was leaning into him, and we ended up on the couch, me in his arms. I buried in deeper into him, and whispered "I'm sorry."

He looked at me with surprise. "Katniss" he began "You have NOTHING to be sorry about. I was the one who announced it to the world. You had every right to be mad. I didn't even tell you I was doing it! I just thought it might save you….but it didn't." He explained. I shook my head. "No!" I croaked out "I had no right to scream at you, and threatening to kill you was just idiotic. I'm so sorry and…." I started crying again. "And…and…and I'm so guilty and stupid and…and… I can't stop crying and….I…I just want you to love me!" I exclaimed and buried my face into his chest.

I could feel his body tense up.. Then I heard his voice, firm, and quiet. "Katniss." When I didn't respond, he spoke again. "Katniss, look at me. Please." His voice was so sincere and painful, I had to look up. Once I met his eyes, I couldn't look away. "If you want me to love you…you already have it. I've loved you since the first day I saw you. I will never stop. Until death do us part. I only hope you'll love me back."

Peeta's words hit me right in the gut. He thought I didn't love him. How was that pssible? Did he really believe I didn't love him? I was carrying his child for Gods sake! How much more could you ask for? But then again, I have been lying about our love, and how would he know if I was telling the truth or not now. I felt disgusted with myself, and tried to pull away. He let me go for a while, lwtting me sit on his lap. I looked into his greenish gray eyes, looking for any kind of help, but all I could find was love. And pain. Pain that was pure. Pain that was of me. Pain he felt everyday when I ignored him, or stopped talking to him. Pain I caused. That made me cry even more. Again.

Peetas' expression turned to panick. He pulled me in tighter to his chest. "No! No, no, no! I'm… I'm so sorry! I-I didn't realize-I didn't want to- I didn't mean to-" I buried my head into is chest, trying to stifle the sobs escaping my lips. That quieted him down. After a few minutes of that, I felt I could actually speak. But what was I going to say? Of course I love you? That just sounded wrong…..I've always loved you? No, that would be a lie. I was always confused. That was right…yet wrong in a sense. Finally I somehow found the right words. I looked up into his eyes to see tears coming slowly. He met my gaze.

"His name is P.J." There. I said it. A bit too calmly, may I add. We both sat there in total silence until I realized how stupid I sounded. Wanting to try to get away, far away this time, I tried to get up, but Peeta tightened his grip and roped me in. He looked at me and asked "What?" I sighed, and grabbed his hand. Softly, I took his hand and placed it gently on top of my heart. Then, after I was sure he got it, on my abdomen. I looked up. There was a glow of amazement in his face, and he looked at me. "P.J?" He whispered. I nodded slowly.

"And he's yours." I whispered. Before he could continue, I spoke "And that's all I can think about. That he's yours. And I love you. I know I've never completely shown it, but this is proof. He is proof. That our love is real. As real as it can get. And, even if I am emotionally challenged, and not able to clearly show my feelings, we'll always have him. P.J. Our P.J." I stopped to take a breath and continued.

"And I know he loves you as much as I do….I just hope he doesn't have such a hard time showing it as I do." I finished with a croak as a tear slid down my cheek. I was so moody… It was getting annoying. But still, I looked up to see Peeta's expression. Was I out of line? To emotional? I was getting worried as the silence stretched longer, but finally Peeta spoke. "So…. It's a boy?" I giggled and shrugged. I had no clue, but I just felt that if this baby would be coming out like a miniature me, we would all be screwed. So I imagined a childish Peeta. Gold hair, beautiful eyes. He could bake with his father. That thought brought a smile to my lips, and to Peeta's.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

If Only

Sorry about not updating sooner. Thanks so much for the reviews, it makes me have the motivation to actually write more. Enjoy

The next few days went by too quick. Peeta and I slept together after that, and my emotions were to a minimum, in my eyes. I could tell Peeta was uncomfortable with me being all over the place, but he tried his best. Whenever needed, Haymitch basically pulled me off him when he saw it was getting hard to not do something rash. Effie recovered, still sighing sadly every time she saw me. And I felt that way too. I knew we were both thinking "Only one can get out. If I die, so does the baby. And if I make it, Peeta's gone. There's no way to win. Not now."

But he never noticed. Effie with her sighs, Haymitch with his close eyes on us, everything else was normal. Around the other tributes, I was treated normal by a few, but the others just shyed away, like they were scared they were going to catch something. This made me terrible depressed. The only time I felt completely like myself was with Cinna. Even though Octavia and the others were gushing about the "Tribute pregnancy scandal" I felt at home. Like no one cared. The stylists kept throwing around names, and what its future would be, but as usual, I blocked them out.

What really made my day was Cinna. The day before we were to be put in the arena, we spent the whole day together. We never once mentioned the baby until late at night. "Are you scared?" He asked softly. I tried not to cry, but my tears were already flowing. He enveloped me in a hug. "Yeah." I explained. "I am scared. Only one can get out Cinna. How is that going to be me? How do I know the baby won't die? And even if we both make it….." I trailed off, choking on my words. He understood. Peeta. Before I could react, Cinna propped me up, and walked coolly to the massive closet across the room. He emerged with a black jumpsuit, carrying it over to me. He sat next to me, letting me get a feel for it. Once I reached the abdomen area, I felt the fabric change.

"I put extra padding in the stomach for you. For protection. And right here" he poked a little pocket inside my left armhole "Are vitamins. You are going to start taking them. They make you and the child stronger. Okay?" he finished. I smiled, overcome with joy. I hugged him. "Alright." I said. The next few minutes we sat and went over the plans. Once Cinna had dropped me off at our hallway, we exchanged hugs again, and went our separate ways. Once in our room, I made my way to the couch, all alone. Maybe Peeta was with Haymitch. I didn't know.

I sat, thinking for a while. My hands eventually made it to my stomach, and I placed them there, feeling the tiny human inside me. How could something so small in this world be so big in importance? I lifted my shirt, wanting to be close to the child inside me. I thought about all the good times we would have with him. This child and Peeta. I couldn't be a mother. I couldn't even be a proper girlfriend. But I was having a baby. His baby. And, for a first, I let myself dream.

I imagined PJ playing with Prim, his bright eyes following her golden hair. Maybe Haymitch, letting the child climb upon him, him guffawing all the way. And Peeta. I could imagine Peeta, holding our child. When he would be older, teaching him how to make his famous bread. I would teach him how to hunt maybe. He would laugh and play all day, maybe in the meadow. Before I could go any further, I realized this would never happen. Never again. And none of us were safe, and for some reason, I knew PJ could sense it. This brought a deep upsetting onto my heart, and I felt as tough I was going to be sick.I was going to throw up…again. I ran to the bathroom, and sat retching. . There was no way we would be utterly safe. Safe was not a proper word in my vocabulary. If only there was a way….. If only. I had been trying to vow to myself not to hurt anyone. By bringing this child into the world, who was it helping? No one I know. I started crying, still trying to fight back the nausea, and terribly failing. I couldn't believe what a mess I was in. My head was hurting from all this action, and I started seeing spots. The last thing I remember was hearing the door open and then I blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

If Only

I woke up on an uncomfortably stiff bed and the smell of hospital in my nose. I slowly opened my eyes, realizing how much the light hurt. I began to move my arms to prop myself up, but found I could not. IV's were hooked up to my arms, and before clearly thinking, I tried to pull them out. A tan hand came over mine, and without further explanation, I stopped. I looked up, and saw the worry in Peeta's eyes. The nurse came in and removed the IV's, still keeping me in bed. According to Peeta, I had passed out in front of him while sitting on the bathroom floor, and hit my head on the tile before he could reach me. He immediately picked me up and contacted Haymitch, both of them escorting me to the medical center. I had been in the bed for about five hours, supervision alternating between Haymitch, Effie, Cinna, and Peeta. Before Peeta could say anything else, I spoke up.

"How long do I have to be here?" I questioned. Then, another dreadful thought came into my mind. "Is the baby alright?" Peeta smiled sullenly and nodded. I smiled.

"That's no reason to be happy though, Katniss. You could have hurt the baby or worse yourself. You're lucky we found you in time. You need to be more careful!" Peeta exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.

"You sound like my mother." I joked, attempting to stand up. Once on my feet, I swayed a bit, and Peeta quickly got to his feet, pushing me down gently on the bed. I at first resisted, but decided to play along.

"I just don't want you to get hurt." He whispered, leaning forward, his nose almost touching mine. I closed my eyes, unsure of what to say. His hand took mine and slid down to my stomach. "I don't want either of you to get hurt." He said again, more forcefully. I smiled at his use of words, and met his eyes with mine.

"Alright." I sighed, smirking a bit. "But when can I leave? I've got things to do, you know." I joked, thinking of the next day. His smile turned into a frown.

"Well, you're able to leave now but…" He trailed off. I glared at him. If he was going to try keeping me in this hospital hell longer than I needed to, I was going to kill him.

"Peeta, I will not stay in this place any longer. The thought of where I am and what happens here makes my stomach hurt, and the smell of antiseptic is going to make my morning sickness even worse." I say forcefully. His eyes widened.

"You've been having that?" He exclaimed, concern in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" I chuckled.

"Because, whenever someone asks 'So what did you do today?' My response would never be 'Oh you know, just threw up on Cinna's shoes today.' "I explained with a look of annoyance on my face. He grimaced.

"Right…" He trailed off, leaving the subject alone. After I had gotten Doctor's permission to go, Peeta and I sauntered into his room, him claiming that we were going slow "because of my head." Honestly, I was going slowly because I didn't want this moment to end. I didn't tell him that though. We sat on his bed, his arms around me, both of our hands resting on my soon-to-be extremely larger stomach. I could feel his breath dancing through my hair. After a few hours, or maybe minutes, I turned to face him.

"Peeta…" I started, trying to get his attention. He looked down, kissing me on the forehead. "Peeta, how are we going to do this?" I questioned, trying to get honesty and nothing else. He looked at me confused.

"Do what?" He whispered. I sighed.

"You know what I'm talking about. Do this. This baby stuff. We are going into the Games _again._ And this time, we aren't just risking our lives. We are risking our kids' life also. And it kills me Peeta. There can't be two winners again. Both of us could die. And frankly, I would rather that than the other. If we aren't together, what's the point Peeta? What's the point?" I finished ranting, tears streaming down my face. He looked at me, wiping away the stray tears with his thumb. He sighed.

"The point is we are here. Now. No other time. And we are together. All of us. And no one can deprive us from this memory. Because we make it."


End file.
